I wrote a post with some details about my most recent relationship. It ended two years ago this May, but how can something really end when there’s no closure? Or, there NEVER will be closure.
Maybe I’ll find some by sharing some of my journey. I never did because I didn’t want/don’t want to villainize anyone. Break ups happen. First loves don’t work out. Life is messy.
But it’s such a H-U-G-E part of me and my life that it feels like a secret–one I don’t want to keep anymore. You guys (*waves at first, early readers*) have been reading my books since TAKE THE REINS came onto the scene in May 2009. That’s seven years! SEVEN! I was in a relationship with Ex for almost that entire time–it was this part of my life that few know about it. It’s not something I want to duck and cover from anymore. I’m living with a LOT of secrets–some that I’ve made public and others are private–and all I want is to get this off my chest. To move on.
I started seeing someone in November 2009 and was head over heels in love before I could blink. So was Ex. I’d made the move to NYC to escape some things, live in a big city, and to be closer to Ex.
Romance wasn’t something we sought out or meant to happen–it just did. I stood in the garden late one night and asked if I could kiss Ex. We were at our favorite after work bar and Ex had just gotten back to Brooklyn from another day in publishing. Ex said yes and that was that. If we had been inseparable before, we were crazy inseparable now.
I rode the F train 45 minutes almost every day to Ex’s publishing house to have lunch and we would ride home together. Sometimes to my place, sometimes to Ex’s. If we weren’t together, we were G-chatting, BlackBerry messaging or on the phone. I couldn’t see Ex enough and it was very true that at the time, Ex felt the same.
But since this is obviously a break up story, Ex’s feelings changed . . .
And, with that, I want to spill another secret: I’m fictionalizing the story for a new YA! It has been good therapy to write it and I can’t wait to share it with you. #nomoresecrets ❤
xo
Jessica Burkhart 
OMG, Jess! I can totally feel your pain through this post! Thank you for trusting us–your readers– and sharing such a HUGE secret! ❤ I can't wait to read your upcoming, new YA all about ex. And I hope he's reading this post now…he's realizing what he's missing. You WILL find another guy someday, maybe even better than ex. I hope you do. Ex is a jerk for not sticking with you–Jessica Burkhart–the most amazing, honest, beautiful person ever. Good luck! ❤ We as your readers are ALWAYS here for you! You can tell us ANYTHING and we'll love you 1000% more each and every time! ❤
Keep up the honesty! It’s good for the soul. Having an affair with a married woman for four years was probably a hard secret to keep. Glad you’re letting go of the truth now. 🙂
You actually can have closure with an ex if you have unfinished business. Write it down. Talk it out–you don’t have to have her there. Feel her presence and try to imagine her responses. Own up to your part of it. Make amends for what you need to. And then let go. Let go or be dragged. (This is a saying from AA, but it also applies to riding!) Trust that this person is not meant to be part of your life right now, but she will be in the future if she is meant to be. Focus on those around you, especially those who need your help, and write your way out of your corner. Get your closure. You deserve it in order to heal.